My Goddess

 I was born in a middle class, educated, moderately traditional family On the religious front, I remember my maternal grand-mom praying and reciting all the shlokas before her breakfast every morning for a couple of hours, tears flowing her cheeks. Dad would say his prayers and that was it. Mom did regular pooja every morning and evening. 

I went to a convent school. Given this background, I grew up with a firm belief in the existence of a God and was a pious little thing, but I suspect it was more out of fear of a wrathful God and fear of my soul having black spots on it (as I was assured in school, I would, if I sinned). 

Entering the teens, questions slowly popped up in my little head and I started doubting. I asked questions. My mom was at the receiving end of the toughest ones. But she was no easy knock over. One day I asked her for proof. "Look at the beauty of Nature around you, look at the flowers, fruits, animals, birds, insects. Do you think any human could create such perfection?" she asked, that's it my little brain started quizzing again and again within itself. 

I have had my personal relationship with God (a neutral entity, genderless, formless). If I must choose an "Ishta Devata", I'd say Krishna and Ganesha, for their mischievousness, practicality and cuteness. But that is where it begins and ends. My relationship is mainly a matter of day to day personal conversations,confessions, apologies, thanks etc. to that formless entity. All credit to Him/Her for all that goes right and all brick bats too for all that doesn't, probably it is time i change this attitude. 

Today my true Godess is Nature, Mother Nature and I can't but look up heavenwards with thanks for all the beauty, greenery, birds and other critters around me. All I can do is pray to that Mother to forgive the arrogance and stupidity of many of our species and my human limitations in ensuring that I do minimal damage to her. She knows I do my best and never gives up on me. 

Nandini Mithun