They will fly

We would like our kids to learn things and become independent, but at the same time, we don’t want them to grow up too fast, and slip through our fingers too early!

“Mom, I will do it myself. Don’t help me,” she repeated assertively.

“No, but…”.

Before I could debate any further, she exclaimed in an unparalleled state of excitement.

” I did it, Mom! I did it all by myself.” 

She had indeed done it. My 3-year-old had donned her night suit all by herself with zilch assistance from me and it was a huge accomplishment for her evidently. But, why was I not able to match the ecstasy and feeling of contentment of my little one? Why was my heart sinking as if I was being pulled away from a string that I was desperately trying to cling to?

 I hugged her tight and told, dont grow up yet. 

But yesterday you said that you want me to grow up soon so that I can clean my bum on my own after pooping.”

Hearing this retort from my daughter totally left me in splits. I couldn’t stop laughing because I was actually guilty of making that comment the previous day when I was bone-tired. But, even though unintended humour had transformed the mood of the moment, realisation had already hit me hard.

It hit me that with every milestone, my child is taking a giant leap towards independence. It hit me that the clock is ticking rapidly and she is growing up fast; too fast for my liking. It hit me that this phase will never come back and I may be having little time remaining to make the most of it.

Caught up in the daily grind of our lives, at times we forget to pause and savour the seemingly quotidian moments. And more often than not, it is our children who remind us inadvertently to breathe, reflect and soak it up to the fullest.

All this impels me to puzzle over the conundrum that is parenting. I randomly keep swinging between conflicting thoughts and oft-times end up contradicting my own statements.

But, therein lies the beauty of this role I guess. Because, the more experience I gain as a parent, the more I realise how much is left to be discovered about it. The more I understand parenting, the more I recognise what I don’t understand about it. It’s indeterminate, yet so defined. It’s simple, yet so perplexing. It drains and fulfills. It agitates as well as soothes.

And while I am all emotional as I end this piece, my daughter is next to me asking why is the star so high in the sky, why am i not able to touch.... 

I raise my brows, but realise i should answer and hug her. 

Nandini Mithun