Grocery Shopping

 Grocery Shopping

Well it’s like this. I got down to the unenviable task of cleaning the supplies cupboard this weekend (now you feel the pain?) and was absolutely baffled at the quantity stashed in. Rather shamefacedly, I observed duplicate and triplicates of pasta packets, noodles, instant desserts, tons of biscuits and what-nots! What was I thinking?! Why or How did i end up buying this much.... 

Hey I am not alone here! This is what happens when I go to the super market for grocery shopping.

You go to buy a single bar of soap, there are no singles on the shelf! Only 3 or more! You want 100 ml olive oil, you get a 1+1 litre and do what? Get a full body tel-malish (oil massage)  Talcum powder? Buy one, get three free – 500 gms each, go dunk yourself in it! Oh wait pack it as return gift for those boring birthdays 

Washing soap? Buy 2 kgs and get 1 ltr cleaning liquid free. Wash all your laundry and your neighbor’s too! 

You want a 250 gms of frozen peas? It’s your lucky day – Offer is Buy 1 kg, Get 1 kg free….Peas all the way,  potato with peas, beans with peas and even chai with peas.  

Super-markets stock and display only the bigger versions of everything. Boy oh boy! Can I get just what I want and no more? Of course not! Take it or leave it, that’s the way it works. Playing pscyhological tricks with me huh... 

But wait a sec! No one is complaining about this. Am I noticing it just now or are the shopping trolleys getting just bigger and bigger?

All around I see gleeful mommies loading humongous trolleys with provisions and supplies enough to cater to a mini-army for the next 6 months, with their kids surreptitiously adding contraband junk-food to the loot. But of course she’s just on her bi-monthly visit to replenish stores, keeping an eye out for the contents of the neighboring trolley, you never know what you might have missed! Remember the goal, your trolley should always be an inch heavier than your neighbor's. 

At the billing counter, the cashier is tirelessly scanning and billing the endless stream of purchase. Billing queues of bored husbands trying to pass their time browsing on their smartphones while keeping a steady watch on the slow-moving line. And just as the man is revoking the jaw that had dropped on seeing the bill and returning his credit card to his wallet, the wife reaches him with kid in tow, look what i found 'the eggless mayo!’ she declares jubilantly. But woe betide one who’s had his turn and is now trespassing on the rules of a queue.

‘Thou shalt have to go back to end of queue even if thou hast only one item.’

So the man goes back to the end of the line, rather like the video-game character, who goes back to square one and starts his journey all over again. Meanwhile, the Mrs has no qualms and gainfully employs her time browsing aisles missed on her previous sojourn.

You gotta hand it to the geniuses who framed the BOGO – Buy One, Get One Free offers! What can be better for the Indian shopper ingrained with the bargain-hunting genes? Oh there are the Buy 2, Get 1 free, Buy 3, Get 7 free offers too but nothing draws the hardcore shopper more than the Flat 50% off or of course the BOGO offer! Like ants drawn to sugar, we flock, loot and grab such offers

Possibly hypothetical, but I think a vast majority of us are plagued by a fear of running out on food and supplies, thus the need to stock and hoard! 

Actually when you buy large quantities of perishables and your consumption is low, the product lies around longer in your shelf/ refrigerator. The products you purchase are mostly available cheap because they belong to an old stock. So you end up consuming less nutritive and potentially harmful stuff.

In case of consumer-durables, it makes sense at times to buy in bulk if it is cheaper. But that is precisely the sales ploy. Inventory older than 3-6 months is pushed forward in the form offers. Typically sub-standard products/ knockoffs parading higher M.R.P’s are made attractive by BOGO offers.

My cupboards are inundated by extra helpings of soaps, deosprays, gigantic containers of shampoo and talcum powder, cartons of laundry detergents, oils, snacks and well, generally everything. Folks at home groan with boredom –  Why can’t I try that new shampoo brand? Oh, because I have 2 huge bottles of this one to see through

 ‘Do I have to gulp oats every single morning?’ sighs my eight year old. 

Well you have no choice until that 2 kg barrel is emptied. As if this is not enough, My cleaner pitches in, ‘Madam, the floor cleaner you bought, is just colored water. Don’t blame me if your floor isn’t getting cleaned!’ What can I say? Hmm, BOGO made me do it!

Enough of this! I am going back to my neighborhood kirana-dukaan (grocery store) the uncle still remembers my name and has seen me since i was a 4 year old child. 

To get precisely what I want and just as much as I want. Just one bar of soap, 50 ml of hair-oil, 100 gms of talcum powder, one tube of toothpaste, 100 gms of lentil, 50 gms of mustard seeds, 25 gms of cashew nuts (Yes! You can actually buy that little)….you get the drift?

Takes orders over the phone, offers home delivery in less than 30 minutes. He gets whole wheat cleaned, sifted and ground to flour of the right grade – not too fine, while remembering to blend in soya and millet – just the way I ordered it.

If he doesn’t have a particular item I read off the list I’ve made, he ensures he gets it from the neighboring store. For instance, if I need freshly ground filter coffee, he’ll get it for me from the neighboring Anna’s store. And guess what? He doesn’t mind if I don’t pay right away (I am a credit worthy customer, cool ain’t it?), accepts payment through mobile wallet and throws in a free bunch of cilantro with every delivery! You can’t get more personalized service, can you?

So as we progress on the fast-paced, efficient escalator to supermarket stores and online grocery shopping, I am stepping off that course and walking back to the simple grocery store that I left behind. Sadly I might be a bit late, many small retailers are shutting shops, courtesy – competition from large wholesale supermarkets and online websites.

Maybe, we have a long way to go back from where we started....

Nandini Mithun 

Invisible Me

 Invisible Me

It first hit me a couple of years ago when I was at a store, waiting patiently for my turn to be served. And well, my turn never came. Others kept barging in, getting the attention of the sales staff, getting what they wanted. While I waited, until I quietly had had quite enough of waiting, turned around, walked out unnoticed, unstopped and realised it had finally happened. I had become that dreaded creature, the invisible woman.

I had seen the signs over the past few years. Heads no longer turned when I walked past, even when I was dressed to the teeth. People did not stop conversations to accommodate me when I approached their little groups at parties but carried on, regardless. I found myself stopping short of doing cartwheels and headstands in restaurants to get a waiter’s attention.

 

It is kind of deflating to the ego. You know that there was a time when you put half the time into getting ready and could guarantee heads on rotor blades as you passed. The compliments are now few and far between. You have folks walking right past you without even registering you exist. In the rush for elevators, you are jostled aside when previously you would be courteously given right of way.

What has changed, you ask yourself? In your head, you are still the same, give or take a few wrinkles and some grey hair with some dark circles But something has definitely changed for the world around. one’s mid thirties, it is like a giant switch gets switched off and a woman morphs into some sort of translucency that makes her there but not quite there. The mirror isn’t so kind either. The midriff develops a mind of its own and that stubborn bulge which normally took a couple of weeks of sensible eating and working out to whittle back into normalcy, stays put. 

The hair that you took for granted and abused in persistent unspeakable manner by using many variety of natural shampoos, 

 gives you a cheeky middle finger and begins dropping right from your crown into the abyss of forgotten youth, leaving you with a scalp that shines through no matter what you do. The wrinkles refuse to fade after you stop smiling. The neck is stretched, the skin grows reptilian. You age. You become invisible.

Let me not pretend it does not affect one, it does, But once you cross that dark zone and emerge blinking, into the bright light of realisation, you know that there are many pros to being invisible.

It liberates you in some ways. There is a sense of freedom to be able to go anywhere and know that no eyes are on you. Sometimes you can walk right past people and they won’t even register your presence, which is wonderful when you want to make a quick exit or avoid some dementors who are capable of tap dancing on your last standing nerve. You can go out in track pants and a faded tee and not give a damn because you know that the blot you present on the public landscape is going to be an offense to no one but yourself. You can listen in to conversations because most people don’t even realise you are around, and speak unhindered.

Most reports say that when a woman hits her mid-thirties she starts becoming invisible. Now dont ask me which report, i might have just randomly said that. 

I’m bang on target. I assume it gets worse as the years creep up on me. I’m ready and waiting. Being fly on the wall is always much more fun than being in the thick of conversation to me. And yes, I realise this is the perfect age for me to actually seriously contemplate my lifelong ambition of being a spy. I have my own invisible powers now, who knows i maybe your next BOND

Nandini Mithun 

Priviliged

 Privileges of a Homemaker 

What? And you thought I’d be talking about groceries and masks?! Get a life! Or rather, I should get a life!

Stock up on sanitiser and handwash. Take a new bottle everytime you go out. – Check

Read a zillion news articles and social media posts on Corona – Check

Panic. Post on other groups– Check

Transition from calling it Corona to COVID-19 as it sounds more professional, although you are not a medical professional – Check

Celebrate graduation from Whatsapp University ((Hons.) Elective – Gyan Absorber. What? The alternative was Gyan Dispenser) – Check

Swear to be more productive and pour out your new found enthusiasm into whipping up a cup of dalgona until your arm is ready to fall off. Post pic on family cooking groups– Check

Attempt to bake some homemade extra cheese buns just because everyone else seems to be doing it. – Check

Repeat because you forgot to post it on the family groups. – Check

Vow to lose all that weight gained from chugging the dolgonas and stuffing yourself with above mentioned buns. Download apps such as Cure.Fit – Check

Mental health is equally important they said. So download meditation apps such as Headspace – Check

Try and do some art. Imagine I am female version of Raja Ravi Varma or Picasso Post pic on social media with #quarantineandchill – Check

Download Zoom and spend the next 30 minutes saying various versions of, “Can you hear me?”, “Can you see me?” “I can/cannot hear you”, “I can/cannot see you.” to various people. Take a screenshot and – you got it – post pic on social media – Check

Finish Netflix and discuss about the series with friends– Check

Sit and ponder about life passing away – Check

Daydream about stepping out, and, if you are particularly ambitious – even about a cherished trip, like  going to the washroom without my children – Check

Try to hold on to your sanity as you help your child with online classes. Take a look at the stunted tree and the duck with a bizarrely deformed head with just one hair that she has drawn and come to the conclusion that yes artistic talent must be carried over in one’s genes(like her father, sshh don't tell him) 

– Check

Bug the husband for some time pass until he runs out of answers or starts to ignore my questions – Check

Start a YouTube channel – Check

Wait for lockdown to end so that you can go back to your routine, the highlight of which was to shove the husband and offsprings out the door by sharp 7 and 8 AM, wave them a fond goodbye from the window and then go and….smoke pot? No! Watch 50 Shades Of Grey? Nah! Although if you ever witness the enthusiasm and eagerness with which I send them off, perhaps you might be forgiven for the suspicion.

In reality, simply go about my rather mundane household chores without the constant chattering of a precocious Kindergartner and her a 3rd grader and the hundred other interruptions that come with having more than one person in the house. – Check!

Am i not privileged??

Nandini Mithun